I love traveling alone. I love the freedom of choosing when and where to go, or whether to go out at all. However, being alone can sometimes lead to loneliness, especially when you’ve been on the road for some time, and being lonely may make you vulnerable to shady characters you meet on the road.
It was this loneliness that led to an encounter I had in Berlin (March 2012) that could have turned out differently had I not been very careful of my own safety.
I remember it as being a gloomy day; the sky was overcast and it was colder than usual. My walk around the Museum Island didn’t cheer me up; all I could see were families and couples together, highlighting my solitude all the more. When I had enough of it, I took the subway back to my host’s place in Dolzigerstrasse, hopeful that my mood would lift the next day.
On my way out of the subway, just before the exit, a man suddenly blocked my way. “You’re so pretty,” he said. “Are you Chinese?” In my travels, I had been mistaken for a Malaysian, Thai, Indonesian, and Vietnamese, but never a Chinese, and with good reason! I’m brown and my eyes are not almond-shaped. It was one of the worst pick-up lines I’ve ever heard.
Before answering, I looked him over. (“My name’s Stefan,” he said.) He was around 6’ ft, in his late 30s or early 40s, well-groomed, and good-looking. What did he want with me?
It turned out he was offering me 300 euros for two hours’ worth of work. He would like me to give him a massage, he said, and I could name my price if I stayed overnight. When I asked him why he picked me, out of all the hundreds of women in the subway, he said that I looked like a backpacker, and backpackers, he added, always needed money.
As a woman, I felt degraded. Did he really think he could buy me? Did I look as destitute as he made me out to be?
Another solitary traveler in Berlin, Germany.
However, as a writer, I was intrigued. What goes on in the minds of people like him who see women (and maybe people in general) as something that can be bought and sold?
When he saw that I was willing to talk to him, he invited me to have tea at the restaurant across the subway. For a moment, I hesitated. Would it be safe to go? What if he puts something in my tea or if he forces me into his car?
Then my writer self won out and I said yes. (After all, I told myself, I had nowhere else to go, and at least, he promised an interesting conversation!) As a precaution against being forced onto his car, I told him to go ahead and I would follow. I was also very careful about keeping my eyes on my tea, and I didn’t accept any food from him.
During our 30-minute talk, Stefan tried everything to convince me to go back to his hotel. When he saw that I couldn’t be moved with his offer of more and more money, he tried to sell the idea of it being a “romantic encounter, an experience of a lifetime.”
He had a rebuttal, too, for every one of my reasons for refusing him. When I told him, for example, that I’ve seen the movie Taken, he said that he would never do it to me. His hotel had CCTV cameras, he said, and he would be caught if he would do something to me. Lame, eh?
Pretty soon, our conversation died down. He couldn’t have me with offers of money or talks of romance, and he wasn’t even interested in me as a person, just as a thing that could give him pleasure. The novelty of the encounter suddenly became stale for me and I stood up, thanked him for the tea, and went straight to the exit, not looking back even once.
I loved listening to street musicians in Berlin.
The encounter was memorable, even if it was a tad distasteful. Stefan told me he has had a lot of successes before; the women he had previously chosen were indeed more than willing to spend the night with him, in exchange for a few more months on the road.
He could be telling the truth; however, he could also be a trafficker, and if I had gone with him, I could have ended up somewhere where no former CIA agent would be able to rescue me.
You gotta love traveling alone. Just remember that occasionally feeling lonely is fine; just make sure it doesn’t lead you to risky situations. Prioritize your safety, be aware at all times, and use common sense, and you will definitely enjoy every minute of your solo travel!
Have you had any similar encounters on the road? Do share!
31 Comments. Leave new
@ Mike: I wasn’t really scared since we were always in public. I would never take the risk of going to a private place haha
Oh my gosh first of all that is horrible that he tried that with you! And gosh I can’t believe you were brave enough to even have tea, Aleah. No kidding on the experience and I’m glad you stayed safe 🙂
@ Pramod: Thanks. I’m used to traveling solo, even abroad, so it wasn’t a big thing for me. 🙂
@ Maosi: I have heard that hooking up with travelers is a common scenario, even here in Asia. However, Stefan doesn’t really fit that profile. He wasn’t interested in establishing a connection with me.
…hooking up with travelers is prevalent practice in Germany. In my over a year of stay there, dating travelers played a big part of my dating life… It was just a bit different scenario as Gay Travel Dating does not involve money… Just pure fun and adventure… In inter-gender case, it’s another story… Like what Stefan had said… There are travelers who are more than willing to engage in such activities just to extend their budget… You know, free accommodations, extra cash, food etc…
Hi Aleah !
Its dangerous to travel alone in a foreign country hats off to your braveness ! BTW, The images look are very beautiful , you surely had a great time in Berlin ! Thanks for sharing your experiences with us
-Pramod
@ Perrin: I was bored hahaha
@ Char: In the Philippines, we use “chinky-eyed” as just a description, with no racist undertone. I never bothered to check since I didn’t have an idea it was derogatory. I did Google it now and realized it’s a term that’s “not cool,” according to the Urban Dictionary. Anyhoo, I changed it to “almond-shaped.” I hope I won’t step on any toes with that. I wasn’t offended to be mistaken for a Chinese–why would I? I was just surprised, since as I said in my post above, I could be mistaken for anything but, given my skin color and facial features which are clearly Malay. Btw, thanks for letting me know. That was a huge faux pas!
Hey, I just wanted to say that it detracts from your post that you used a word so negative as ‘chinky’ in your post, especially when talking in the context of discussing degrading women. It is a word used alongside derogatory descriptions such as ‘yellow peril'(http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2008/07/08/old-yellow-peril-anti-chinese-posters/). Would you have used the ‘n’ word to describe a feature of person who is of African origin? Use a descriptive word or just say ‘Chinese eyes’ if that it what you mean. As an aside, you should not be offended to be mistaken for Chinese or any other race. Like you, I’m mistaken for being all sorts of nationalities or mixed race, it amuses me to keep people guessing but never offends.
Your post brought up an interesting experience that reminds us to be cautious in our interactions with strangers. I do think you’re a talented writer.
Best wishes.
Omg! You still had the guts to go tea with him! Very brave. If I have such encounter, I’d probably run away like a cheetah!
@ Marisol: He probably didn’t care, knowing there are always a lot of backpackers around. And yeah, I’m always curious about people. I just need to remember to be careful sometimes.
Hi Aleah, what an interesting encounter. I’m glad that you mixed your writer’s curiousity with a big dose of common sense. May it be a lesson to him that not all women backpackers would sell their soul to stay on the road longer.
@ Christeen: Well, solo travel is not for everyone. At least you tried it out 🙂
@ Mary: Yeah, I just wish he was what he said he was, and not a trafficker!
@ BertN: That’s why I travel wearing comfortable clothes. I feel ready to run from danger anytime haha
Now that I am an old traveler, I am not as trusting as I used to be, not because of bad experiences, but because I could no longer run as fast as before if there is a need for me to extricate myself from a dangerous situation.
I am so glad you took all the necessary precautions with this creepy guy, Aleah. What an interesting story and such a great warning for solo female travelers everywhere. It’s always good to have your guard up and be paranoid than have a thousand regrets later. It’s just so sad to think that some other girl may have fallen for his tricks.
I had travelled a few times alone in my younger and aggressive years; those times when “danger” doesn’t exist yet in my dictionary. And, though it was exciting, I always end up wishing and realizing that my sisters, my partner, my mom, or anyone would be very happy to be at my exact spot or seeing the exact view I’m seeing. Then I started missing them and feeling lonesome like you do and to be honest, I really can’t promised to be as vigilant as you are on situations like that (I really admire you for that). Good thing i have a travel buddy who gives me the freedom of choice on where and when to go since most of the time we want exactly what each other wants; otherwise I might be a victim somewhere.
@ Shalu: My dignity is all I have and it’s definitely not for sale hahaha @ Salika Jay: He’s probably a trafficker!
This story shows how desperate he was. I’m not even sure if he was telling the truth about other backpackers. It’s an interesting encounter nonetheless.
Very fascinating story Aleah. Its amazing how some would have gone ahead and spent the night with that man to be on the road. But you did the right thing and kept your pride intact. Well done for that.
@ Christine Jane: Yeah, you’re less likely to be victimized if you look as if you know what you’re doing/know where you’re going. I have walked around at midnight in Rome and in some cities in Asia and I have always felt safe.
@ Apol: Yep yep yep hehe
Hehehe! Turned out that curiosity made a good story too!
Thank you for this write up, such a big help. Although I haven’t encountered things like this myself, it sure is helpful to be always cautious at all times. I spent a day in Rome alone and also in Budapest and whenever I was in places like the metro, I carefully take notice of the people around. I believe nobody would try to snag you or what if you are completely aware of their presence.
@ Varun: I’ve also been told by my host in Berlin to avoid the eastern side at night. He said there were a lot of groups targeting foreigners. Scary 🙁
@ Stvolpina: Yeah haha
what a story!
If you are in Berlin, just a word of caution that I, as an Indian was told. Don’t venture to the eastern side of Berlin past, say 5:30 or 6:00 p.m. I was there a couple of years back and did encounter some weird and extremists around. So, just be a bit careful there!
@ Jardness: Had experienced that, too. Usually, I just move away. If I couldn’t, I just invent stories hehe
@ Apol: I was always aware of my safety, e.g., making sure we were always in public, not accepting any opened food from him. I was very curious what he was like hahaha
It was brave of you to still do that ate.
Scary.
Yeah.. have met shady people in the past during my solo travels.. but none ever offered me money for a quicky. haha. Maybe because I wore a hijab?
Suddenly remembered one time as I was waiting for a friend at a subway entrance in Singapore, this Bangladeshi guy was sitting nearby and kept eyeing me. When I sat down a few feet away from him, he came up and sat next to me and asking me a lot of personal questions. haha. Such as if I was married, if not why not? Asked my opinion of marrying guys from Bangladesh! pfft! thank god my friend showed up to further save me from more awkward questions. haha.
ok.. have typed too much. Nice write-up btw!
@ Photo Cache: That was very nice of them! I agree to not stereotyping people. They might just surprise you.
@ Gelo: Thanks. I give a lot of trust to strangers (particularly since I use Couchsurfing a lot) but I do listen to my instincts. It hasn’t failed me yet. (knock on wood LOL)
trust is so precious that i hardly provide particularly to strangers.
take extra care on your solo travels, aleah!
nothing exactly similar. my encounter is about me getting a lesson in not to label everyone, not to give in to one’s biases.
since i don’t travel alone and always travel with hubby, it was him and i on a subway in paris, during a strike. we were on a layover and decided to take a paris tour diy. on the way back i think we got mixed up with stations. as we pored on the train map, there were two women (not together) across us from our seats. you know paris women, impeccably dressed, well-coiffed, stiff upper lip, staring nowhere. the hubs and i were arguing where we would stop to take the connecting train. all of a sudden the lady with the stiff upper lip spoke to us in english and gave us the direction that we needed. the other lady, similarly attired and also wearing an stiff upper lip chimed in to say that is the right direction the other lady gave us.
we didn’t attempt to ask for directions when we were in paris because we read everywhere how rude they were. i was ashamed to admit i listened to them. i’m glad i found friendly (okay friendly-ish) parisians.